look no pants
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
