Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
