i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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