I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
