You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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