I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
