After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I touched a dick in church today
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
