Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
