Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize