If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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