So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
