so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
