and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
