This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We left an ass print on the piano.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
