you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
