My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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