Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
