can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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