And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Its about making memories worth repressing
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize