Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
