I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is Oprah even human
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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