I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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