I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
