My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
