Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm passing your future prison.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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