His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
