so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
