So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
