I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No I am not eating basil off your cock
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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