Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
