i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
