well you can't waste a boner
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
