two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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