Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
