i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
