The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
