I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
