she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The adults are the big ones right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
