Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Randomize
