i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
