I need to stop coming to work sober
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
