She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
