i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
