I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
