i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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