so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think I am morally bankrupt
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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