I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
