Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
