I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize