She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
