You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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