here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
