Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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