Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
