would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
