ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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