No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My pussy is not your playground.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
