do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i think im in europe. pls send help
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
