I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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