i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
