i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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