Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
