Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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