So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
