Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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