At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
