She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
