dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
