my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
