I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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