So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
