Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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