Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
