You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
