Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
