Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
