Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
