loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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