barbara walters just said penis...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
