woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
