her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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