he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sobbing to NWA
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize