Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
