Pants 0. Shit 1.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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