i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
