dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
