he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
