You were right. It hurts to walk today.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
